In a Hurry?

I like to sit back on the trunk of my car and look at the stars above. When I look into the sparkling specks of light against the dark sky, I see the infinite beauty of our universe. Lately I've been feeling like I need my own space, but that doesn't mean that I need to live alone or run away from the busy city. It's more like creating my own space within myself. Looking at the sky gives me the sense of being in a holy place- a place filled with nothing but the sound of the ever expanding universe...Do you ever do this? Although it's hard to stop my mind from thinking and playing snippets of life, future plans and dreams or going over past conversations in my head, the need of relaxing my mind overcomes me. We all need to stop, breathe and relax. Our world has become obsessed with the speed of things- with shortcuts. It seems that as time goes by we want things to cook faster, to deliver faster, we want faster computers, faster ways of meeting people. It seems as though we are in a hurry to live and at the same time we are forgetting to live and enjoy all the little details of life, of using our five senses to the fullest. By living in such a hurry we miss out on the little things that make our experiences our own. We feel that everything should go as planned, but life can not be controlled. Like they say, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." Now, I am not saying that we shouldn't plan, I think that having a plan is necessary for leading a successful life. I'm defining "Success" as the state of being that makes us genuinely happy. Not based on material possessions, physical "beauty", income, or status. What I mean by happiness is the peace within ourselves. When we accept, love and understand who we are, that's when true happiness exists. I think I was confusing happiness with other things in life that I later understood were not necessary to make me smile or feel successful. Even though, I feel like I always knew the difference, I let myself be distracted by the overload of information and everyone else's formula for Success. What I am trying to say is that if we look at life for what it IS- a moment in time that we get to be part of and leave our mark, if we are conscious of every movement of our body and every thought, we will become conscious beings and therefore have a stronger presence in this world. When we place all of our attention on ONE thing, we give it our all. And I am sure that we will have a greater enjoyment of whatever we do. How do you feel, when you are out to dinner with a friend and while conversing you two have your phone in your hand checking your page, responding to comments, texting...we are all guilty of not giving our full attention to what is going on right that moment. Now, don't you think that if we just put away our phones and gave our friend our undivided attention the experience would be greater? Remember there was a time when we didn't have cell phones, we can survive without them. When we divide our attention we get exhausted and do everything half way. All I'm saying is that we need to slow down a little, take in deep breaths of fresh air, leave all of our technology at home and take a walk in the evening and just feel the beauty of the simplicity of life. Just you, the air, the sky, the trees and all of nature around...and your will see that when your mind is free to think- It will.

Vanessa Ri

Dia Nublado

Estos días nublados son la llave prohibida que abre el cofre donde viven los mas oscuros de mis sentimientos. Los que quiero olvidar, esconder...aunque se que existen no los quiero en la superficie. La verdad es que duele. Me duele el cuerpo, los músculos, los pensamientos, las memorias, la cabeza, el pecho. Todo! Cierro los ojos para no ver pero es peor...ahi están como una película en blanco y negro en una sala de cine en esa función que es solo para mi. Dejenme en paz! Mis duendes del pasado...que quieren que les diga? Sigo pensando el lo que pudo ser. Pero por que? Si se que eso ya no importa, nunca importo. Me arrullo pensando en la fantasia y no en la realidad...pinche realidad hipócrita! Prefiro mis historias inventadas...si aunque no te gusten. Quien quiere entrar al mundo que gira en mi cabeza? Te invito?....y no lo hago por miedo. Miedo...miedo de tantas veces que he dado todo para que al final decidas que las cosas cambian. Cada célula trabajaba para ser feliz para poder crear juntos una adrenalina compartida- REAL. Yo, siempre pensando en los cuentos de hadas. Y que si quiero cerrar los ojos y creer en los actos de magia? Humo, chispas, estrellas brillantes sonrisas y aplausos...una paloma blanca aparece de la nada..puff! Esto no es solo un acto, esto es lo que yo vivo! Y volteo y te busco entre la multitud...donde estas? Dime que si es verdad! No me rompas de nuevo el corazón al tomarme de los hombros y gritarme en la cara que todo fue un oasis creado por mi y mis estúpidas ideas fantásticas e irreales. No te quiero voltear a ver...sueltame! Los sonidos de tus recuerdos me llevan a sentir un dolor intenso en toda la piel, viene de adentro y se esparce por todo mi ser circulando por cada vena...hasta explotar como lagrimas de mis ojos. Lagrimas saladas que rodan por mi rostro trazando el pasando donde alguna vez existió una sonrisa, un beso. Te odio! TE ODIO por que te ame, y me dejaste sola en mi mundo perfecto. Por que tu si despertaste de ese sueno. Tu quisiste irte...yo te jalaba del brazo y te pedía que no te fueras. No te vallas! Ponia mis manos en tu cara y te pedía que te quedaras conmigo...te rogaba. Perdoname...perdoname por no ser quien tu querías que fuera. Y grito con todas las fuerzas...y mi voz retumba en la infinidad de lo mas oscuro. Vete! Vete! Dejame sola! Que patético, me pongo a llorar como si hubiera sido yo la quien decidió tu partida! Pero lloro por que no soporto estar sola en lo frio de la oscuridad....ven conmigo hagamos una chispa que nos alumbre a los dos. No me escuchas?! Regresa!...Por que me dejo mendigar por amor? LEVANTATE! Levantate y camina! Cierra los ojos y respira el viento que baila con tu escencia, no necesitas luz....solo la intuición de lo desconocido. Siente la energía llamarte por el pasillo de la soledad. Y anda...anda sin miedo.

Vanessa Ri